Q: Why do New Zealanders have sex with sheep on the edge of mountains? A: So they push back harder. Q: Where do you find 60 million french jokes? A: In France. Q: Why don't niggers have check books? A: They find it too hard to sign their names in spray paint. Q: If fathers have Father's Day, and mothers have Mother's Day, what do single guys have? A: Palm Sunday. Q: Did you hear about the homo German? A: Ate off Hitler. Q: Why isn't George Michael allowed to vote? A: He can't go into a cubicle alone. Q: What do you call a truck full of vibrators at Christmas time? A: Toys for twats! Q: How can you tell if a bank robber is a faggot? A: He ties up the safe and blows the guard. Q: What do lesbians need to get married? A: A licker license. Q: What is the difference between a pizza and a Jew? A: Pizzas doesn't scream when you put then in the oven. Q: What's the difference between a woman with PMS and a pit bull? A: Lipstick. Q: What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend? A: Wiped his arse. Q: If white woman have piss flaps what do black woman have? A: Mud flaps. Q: What is black, white, and rolls off the end of the pier? A: A nigger and a seagull fighting over a chicken wing! Q: Why do niggers have big nostrils? A: Because that's where god held them when he spray painted them. Q: What's the hardest thing about a sex change from a man to a woman? A: Inserting the anchovies. Q: What did the leper say to the prostitute? A: You can keep the tip. Q: What happened when the Ethiopian fell in the crocodile pit? A: He ate six crocs before they could pull him out. Q: How do you pick up TWA flight attendants? A: With a fishing pole! Q: What does TWA stand for? A: They Wont Arrive. Q: Why was the leper prostitute going broke? A: All her business was dropping off. Q: How do you know when your getting old. A: When your dreams are dry & your farts are wet. Q: What is better than a bolt on the wall? A: A screw on the floor. Q: Why do niggers hate aspirin? A: Because they're white, they work, and you have to dig through cotton to get 'em. Q: If tennis players get tennis elbow, what do gynecologists get? A: Tunnel vision. Q: What do they call kids born in whorehouses? A: Brothel sprouts. Q: What do tofu and a dildo have in common? A: They're both meat substitutes. Q: What's the worst pain a man can feel? A: Sliding down a razorblade using your balls as breaks, and falling into a pool of after-shave lotion. Q: What's the most disgusting thing about fucking little kids? A: Cleaning the blood off your clown suit. Q: When does a black man become a nigger? A: As soon as he leaves the room. Q: Why is cum white and urine yellow? A: So you can tell whether you are coming or going. Q: How does every ethnic joke start? A: By looking over your shoulder. Q: What is the biggest problem for an atheist? A: No one to talk to during orgasm. Q: What is the definition of relative humidity? A: It is the sweat a Tasmanian gets on his balls when he's fucking his sister. Q. What is it when you find a grain of rice in a bucket? A. Poor Ethiopian kid has been up all night vomiting. Q: Which of the following doesn't belong: wife, meat, eggs, blowjob? A: The blowjob. You can beat your wife, your eggs, or your meat; but you just can't beat a blowjob. Q: What is better than honour? A: In 'er. Q: What's the most active muscle in a woman? A: The penis. Q: What's the definition of Trust? A: Two cannibals giving each other a blowjob. Q: What does princess Diana and windows 98 have in common? A: Expensive to buy, expensive to keep and when you finally think you've got them sorted out they have a fatal crash. Q: Did you hear about the faggot truckers? A: They exchanged loads. Q: What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree? A: Hold on to your nuts, this is going to be a hell of a blowjob! Q: What did the Walrus go to the Tupperware party? A: He was looking for a tight seal. Q: What do dykes cook for dinner? A: They don't cook, they eat out. Q: What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection? A: A quarter-pounder with cheese. Q: What do you call 15 niggers chained together at the bottom of the ocean? A: A good start. Q: Why do little girls carry goldfish in their pockets? A: To smell like big girls. Q: What happened when three poofs attack a woman? A: Two of them held her down, and the other started doing her hair. Q: Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up? A: Because they don't have balls to scratch. Q: What's the definition of gross? A: Asking your granddad for a job and he pulls down his pants. Q: What do breasts and toy trains have in common? A: They were meant for little kids, but their fathers like them even more. Q: What does the Starship Enterprise and Toilette Paper have in common? A: They both whip around Uranus looking for Klingons. Q: Why are hangovers better than women? A: Hangovers will go away. Q: What's the difference between a tribe of Pygmies and a girls track team? A: The Pygmies are a bunch of cunning runts! Q: What's got 400 legs and no pubic hair? A: The front row of a Hanson concert Q: Where in Ethiopia do most people live? A: Depends where the wind comes from. Q: What do you call a fag bar with no bar stools? A: A fruit stand! Q: What food stops women from wanting sex? A: Wedding cake. Q: Why did cave-men drag their women by the hair? A: If they dragged them by the feet they'd fill up with rocks. Q: What's the difference between a circus trapeze act and a football cheer squad? A: One's a cunning display of stunts! Q: Why do niggers keep chickens on the lawn? A: To teach their kids how to walk. Q: Why was the cannibal walking through the jungle eating monkey shit? A: He had just ate a Lawyer and had to get the taste out of his mouth. Q: What do the Chinese call a 69? A: Two can chew! Q: Why are bachelors thin, and married men fat? A: Bachelors come home, check to see what's in the fridge, and go to bed. Married men come home, check to see what's in the bed, and go the fridge. Q: What do Rubik's Cubes and penises have in common? A: The more you play with them, the harder they get. Q: Why did the polygamist cross the aisle? A: To get to the other bride. Q: Did you hear about the dyslexic Satanist? A: He sold his soul to Santa. Q: What does a bungee rope and a condom have in common? A: If the elastic snaps your fucked. Q: What's the similarity between a basketball player and a drunk bloke in a pub? A: They both dribble when they're trying to score. Q: Why did God give men penises? A: So we'd have at least one way to shut a woman up. Q: What's a wife? A: An attachment you screw on the bed to get the housework done. Q; Have you seen the new home surgery kit available via mail order? A: It's called Suture Self. Q: How is a woman like a laxative? A: They both irritate the crap out of you. Q: What's worse than having your doctor tell you that you have VD? A: Having your dentist tell you. Q: What's the definition of well - informed? A: Somebody with opinions exactly the same as yours. Q: What do you get if you cross a prostitute with an elephant? A: A whore who fucks you for peanuts and remembers you forever. Q: What do woman and computers have in common? A: You don't realise their value till they go down on you. Q: What do you call a fourteen year old virgin in Tasmania? A: Fast Q: How do you kill a nigger when he is drinking? A: Slam the toilet lid. Q: What happened to the Irishman who tried to kill himself by swallowing 100 pain killers? A: After two he began to feel better. Q: Why do the men in Scotland wear kilts? A: Because the sheep can hear a zipper a mile away. Q: What's small, green, and falls apart? A: A leperchaun. Q: What's the difference between a hooker and a lawyer? A: A hooker will stop fucking you when you're dead. Q: What did the cannibal have for dinner when he came home late from work? A: Cold shoulder. A: What happens when a naked Jew with an erection runs into a wall? A: He breaks his nose. Q: Why did the Jews wander in the desert for forty years? A: Somebody dropped a shekel. Q: What paralyzes a women from the waist down? A: Marriage. Q: What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife? A: A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry. Q: What goes clip-clop, clip-clop, bang-bang, bang-bang, clip-clop, clip-clop? A: An Amish drive by shooting. Q: Did you hear about the restaurant that promotes safe sex? A: They write the bill on a condom. In that way you can wine and dine your date, and stick her with the bill. Q: How do you know if your wife is dead? A: The sex is the same, but the dishes start piling up. Q: There are two fleas on a pussy. One is smoking dope, what's the other one doing? A: Sniffing crack. Q: Why can't baby ducks lay eggs? A: Because they're quacks are too small. Q: Did you hear about the perverted archaeologist? A: He could sniff a used tampon and tell you what period it was from. Q: What does a near sighted gynecologist and a healthy dog have in common? A: They both have wet noses! Q: What did the coroner sing as he put Diana and Dodi into their body bags? A: Zip-di-de-DODI, Zip-di-de-DI! Q: What do you call the foreskin on a faggot? A: Mud flaps. Q: What did Salman Rushdie say before his car crashed into a sewage truck? A: Oh Shi'ite! Q: What has a frypan hanging on a wall have in common with a pair of woman's knickers? A: You have to pull 'em both down to put the fat in. Q: What do you call four niggers in a new Cadillac? A: Grand Theft Auto. Q: What's the best thing about little girls? A: You can roll them over and they're a little boy. Q: What do you call a hitchhiking Abo? A: Stranded. Q: Did you hear about the two homo judges? A: They tried each other. Q: What's the worst thing about being a paedophile? A: Having to go to bed so early! Q: Why did the man put two coins in his condom? A: Because if he can't come, he'll phone. Q: What's three foot long and fucks chooks? A: An axe. Q: Why do ballerinas wear tights? A: So when they do the splits they don't stick to the ground. Q: What do eating pussy and the Mafia have in common? A: One slip of the tongue and you're in deep shit. Q: Why is sex like a game of bridge? A: If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand. Q: What's the difference between a pay check and a penis? A: You can always find a girl who'll blow your paycheck for you. Q: What's the difference between having your hand down the front of a politician's trousers and driving a Volvo? A: You'd feel a much bigger prick in the Volvo. Q: What's the best thing about schizophrenia? A: It turns a wank into an orgy. Q: Why can't you be charged with raping a Police Woman? A: Because you're inside the law. Q: Why don't woman leave a ring around the bathtub? A: Because they have a built in Kreepy Krauly. Q: Did you hear about the American Indian who drank 100 cups of tea in one night? A: He died in his teepee. Q: What's a real mate? A: Someone who'll go into town, get two head jobs and gives you one when he returns. Q: What do you say to a girl with two black eyes? A: Nothing, you already told the bitch twice.